When I awoke from surgery, the right side of my face was paralyzed. I had no function from my forehead down. The surgeon told me that I might eventually get some movement back. They were uncertain how much or when. This time, I also underwent radiation therapy.
So began a strange and pivotal time in my life. While I was glad to be cancer-free, I didn't feel like myself. All my life, people had told me I had a great smile. But now I couldn't smile. Or chew food. Or even blink.
I tried to be patient. I drank all my meals through a straw and kept working from home. But I didn't socialize or volunteer as much as before. People don't mean any harm, but they can't help looking at you differently or assuming you are grumpy if you can't smile.
After eight months with no improvement, I began to research facial paralysis treatment options. That's when I found Dr. Rozen, whom I believe was some sort of divine intervention.
Giving me back my smile
The first time we met, I knew Dr. Rozen was special. It was about four months after I completed radiation. One of the first things he said to me was, “Tell me the top five things you want out of your facial reanimation journey.” I immediately answered, “I want to smile.”
But before we could get to my smile, Dr. Rozen recommended we address a more pressing problem – saving the vision in my right eye.
Procedure 1: The eyes have it
Because I wasn’t able to blink, I was at risk of cornea damage due to dryness in my right eye. Dr. Rozen performed a dual-purpose procedure. He implanted a small gold weight in my upper eyelid to assist it in closing and gently raised my right eyebrow to make it even with the left and help me see. What a big difference a matter of a few centimeters made!
Procedures 2 and 3: Signs of movement
The next surgery involved transplanting a muscle from my leg to my face – a meticulous procedure that took nine hours. The goal was to animate the tissue so I could move it again.
Six months came and went with no change. But Dr. Rozen and I didn’t give up. He suggested we could try again with muscle from the other thigh. It was my choice, he said. If I didn’t want to go through another surgery, he would understand. I didn’t hesitate. I wanted to smile again.
When I woke up from the third procedure, I learned the team had found suspicious tissue, which was sent to pathology. I was terrified the cancer was back.
Over the weekend, Dr. Rozen assembled the pathology team to look at the samples. He called me at home to tell me the good news: It wasn’t cancer, but rather tissue changes that can be seen after radiation therapy. I was surprised he didn’t lose his hearing from my screams of joy!
Within three months of the third surgery, my new muscle began to contract. We were on our way! From there, we began to refine the little features of the right side of my face, such as the corner of my mouth and my eyebrow. He even made it easier to breathe through my right nostril.
Smiling again a year later
It’s been a year since the last of my five facial surgeries. While it’s been a long journey, I’m so grateful to Dr. Rozen and the UT Southwestern team. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have my smile back.
I’ve had the privilege of speaking to other people who are going through a journey similar to mine. They often ask questions such as, “How will I brush my teeth if I can't even spit out the toothpaste?”
Most people don’t think twice about performing daily life functions such as this. But if you have facial paralysis, these simple motions are difficult. I tell them you may not be able to spit right away, but I can spit now!
After the tumor removal and radiation, I never stopped doing anything I had been doing. I kept working and engaging with people during all stages of my journey. It was eye-opening to see how people responded, which was a key learning point for me. You have to find a way to see yourself whole again.
Above all else, I remind them to be kind to themselves. I’ve talked with people who think they can't possibly get through the surgeries and the recovery process. I tell them, “Oh, yes you can. You have family and people who love you. And one day you’re going to wake up, look in the mirror and think, ‘I’m back!’ ”
